Hold me tight
by Flowing lantern
Summary: AU/Defan one-shot. Damon is concerned and regretful after punishing Stefan for being disobedient


**A/N: This was a request I got on tumblr. The user wanted me to write Damon punishing Stefan for being disobedient. I don't particulary like writing Damon like this, which is why I thought a lot before even posting this, but here you go. It's set back in the 1850s. Stefan is about ten, Damon- eighteen. **

**Damon's POV**

I heard someone yelling at me as I was riding back to our house after going downtown to deal with the mail and send our father who was away at the moment, visiting his sisters in Chicago, a letter and tell him that everything's fine.

I slowed down as I realized that it was no one but John, one of our servants. He seemed both tired and worried. He caught my reins and called down my beautiful horse-Anna Mae.

"Master Damon" he said as he took a deep breath and cleaned the sweat from his forehead "I'm so sorry for yelling like this, sir but there's been some troubles since you went away."

"What's going on, John?" I asked confused as I hopped up from the horse and gently rubbed my temple-my head 's been killing me since this morning after I had a rough drinking night with the Fells-we shouldn't have stayed so late, especially with Stefan all alone at home. Well, actually, he wasn't alone-our maid Rose was there, keeping an eye on him, but lately he's been too troublesome, which was unusual for Stefan. He was always so calm and reserved, but ever since mom died he's been giving me headaches, mostly because I had to try hard to cover him in front of father so he wouldn't be punished.

I couldn't always succeed in this, honestly and I had to watch him being whipped, which was my father's way of telling him he doesn't tolerate stupidity. He always made me watch this-he said Stefan is picking up the worst from me. I had such a hard time doing this. And now when father was away he has told me that if Stefan ever gets naughty and disobedient I knew what to do. Did I? Stefan really got on my nerves sometimes. He could drive me insane and make me yell at him, which I later always regretted. He's never been scared of me, not even when I was stern with him-on the contrary, he would hug me and say sorry.

"Your brother, master" he began with his deep hoarse voice. He smoke a lot. I guess that's why he never ratted me out when he caught me doing the same thing in the barn a few years earlier. He only warned me it was dangerous to do it there since I could set everything on fire "He let the dog out to play and well…little Jimmy got to the chickens and killed five of them."

"What?" I stopped abruptly "Stefan did what now?"

"I'm sorry, master Damon. Rose was watching him, but she went to deal with the laundry and Stefan went to play with the dogs in the meantime, so she lost sight of him. She didn't mean for it to happen, master Damon" John said in a begging voice now. I realized that he was more scared for Rose and me punishing her than my reaction towards my brother.

The servants all knew that while my father was away, I was the master and I defined the rules. I guess they thought I was as ruthless as dad was which explained John's slight trembling.

"I know it's not her fault!" I felt the anger building up inside me. Goddamn it this boy! Could he for once act as he's told. What on earth was going on with him lately! "Where's my brother?"

"He's in the kitchen with Rose. She's been trying to explain to him what a big mess he created but he's pulling up a fight."

"He has the guts to do that, huh?" I say more to myself than to John but he just shrugs his shoulders confused

"He says he just wanted to play, sir."

"Oh, yeah, I'll show him a really good game now, called listen to your elders." I angrily roll up my sleeve as we climb the stairs to leading to the main entrance. Some of the other servants are working in the nearest garden, carrying big baskets of apples they've just picked. It was the end of the day, they were all soon to get back home and I wanted nothing but to relax and enjoy the time without our father, who would drink much in the evening and either collapse in his bed or get angry about something insignificant and punish the servants. Or worse-me and my brother.

I sighed and let John go, told him to deal with my horse and tell all the servants they can go now. Father would've probably made them stay at least half an hour more and I saw the smiles on their faces when John approached them-they were happy.

"Rose!" I yelled once I got inside the enormous house. She appeared from the other end of the hallway, which was leading to the kitchen where she spent her entire day and she seemed reluctant to approach me

"Mr. Damon, sir." ever since I grew older and was in charge whenever father wasn't here, she was calling me sir, and Mr. Damon, even though she practically raised me and wiped my sorry ass. I loved this woman-she was kind and strict at the same time-she could say things to make you feel so much better or way worse, which is why I was certain my brother was already crying-she would've given him a big speech by now though that wasn't even the beginning of his punishment.

"What happened?" I asked and she looked away uncomfortably

"He was just being unreasonable, sir." she tried to defend him, even though I knew she was pretty mad with him as well, but she cared about my brother-lately he wasn't himself and I guess it scared her as much as it scared me. "I know that he-"

"Rose, don't try to reason with me right now, I'm too angry!" I cut her off and hurried to get in the kitchen. She rushed behind me with her tiny strong feet, but I was faster and when I finally ended up in the spacious room, I found my brother sobbing on the ground near the fireplace, his head buried in his knees. He didn't look up-he already knew by the sound of my voice that I'm angry and that he's up for a punishment. In this moment, right there, I didn't feel bad for what I was about to do, because I was consumed by my anger. I wanted him just for once to listen to what the grown ups are telling him, but no, he had to go be stubborn and disobeying.

"Get up, Stefan!" I caught his hand and pulled him up. He still wasn't looking up at me, but he was already trembling. Rose was somewhere behind us, shooshing away the rest of the help "Look at me!" I demanded, but he was so scared, he didn't make a single mood "I said look up when you're talking to me!"

He finally raised his pretty blond head and I saw his puffed from all the crying face, his lips were trembling and he continued sobbing.

"Damon" he tried, but I knew he would only start begging and I didn't need that right now. It would only make me feel bad for doing this, when I knew that it was necessary. It had to be done, there was no other way. Father always said that, we had to bear the consequences for our actions and now that's what Stefan had to do.

"Did you let the dog out?" I asked and he only cry out louder as I tightened my grip "Did you? Did you let it destroy our food?"

"Damon I-I only wanted to play!" he tried again

"To play?" I laughed as I pulled him towards me so I could see his face better-it was getting darker outside" Do you know how much those chicken cost father?" he only yelled again from pain, but I didn't even slightly moved away, I was holding him tight. "Don't you know the dog is only used when hunting? What if you've lost him as well, huh? What then?"

"Damon I-" he stuttered again

"Shut up! You need to learn" I continued and he now gripped my hand with his free one, begging me to show mercy, but I was simply relentless. I hated myself for feeling like this towards my own brother. His feet were barely touching the ground anymore, that's how high I was pulling him. But now, knowing what's next, I put him back down and made him sit on his knees "Pull your shirt up!" I ordered, but he didn't move. Instead he only crumbled and cried harder

"Mr. Damon, sir maybe we can think of something else to punish him" Rose tried and I felt her close behind me, but that made me more angry than I already was and I turned around to give her a deadly stare, which scared her as much as Stefan was right now, and she took a step back, bowed her head and leaned on the table, silently and obeying. She wasn't going to argue with me anymore

"I said pull your shirt up, Stefan! Act like a you're supposed for once!" I was scared that I felt as if it wasn't me doing all this, as if I was an observer of someone else's story, when in fact I was already pulling up the belt from my pants. I saw his little hands pulling up his perfectly white ironed shirt. He has stopped sobbing but the moment I hit him for the first time he cried out" You-" I hit again "Are going to-" and again "start listening" once more, I saw the blood on his back now "what people are telling you-" he cries out even when the belt wasn't touching his skin.

Fifteen times, I counted fifteen times. And fifteen times he cried out. I knew my father would've given him more, but I just couldn't continue this way-we were surrounded by silence, Rose wasn't moving at all and I'm sure all the other servants could hear us as well, that counted for the workers which were getting ready to leave outside. They would usually sing or talk loudly, happy that the day is over, but not now-now the kitchen windows were opened since it was so warm outside, they could hear my brother's cries, my yells as well.

When I was done, he lied down on the floor, completely exhausted by it all, ready to give up on everything-he wasn't even crying anymore. I leaned down and picked him up again-it wasn't over, not yet.

"Come on, now" I tried sounding a bit calmer now, but he wasn't paying attention to me anymore, he wasn't looking up either-he wasn't protesting, or begging or crying. His feet were wobbly, he was staggering but he refused to lean on anything. I held his hand tightly and lead him to this small room where Rose kept jars and food, it was like a pantry, very small, with a window too high for Stefan to reach, so I knew he wouldn't be able to crawl out, it was also kind of dark and dark scared Stefan. Father would close me up here when I was a kid as well, as a punishment

"No food until tomorrow!" I said "And you spent some time here on your own thinking about what you've done and what you'll tell father when he comes home and sees half of his chicken dead. Because trust me, he'll be mad like I am right now."

Stefan still didn't say anything. He wasn't begging anymore, he only slightly trembled when I shoved him in there and told him to fix his shirt and sit on his knees. When he did as I told him to, I locked the door.

"Rose, bring me food upstairs" I ordered and she only nodded, but I saw the tears in her eyes and they made me abruptly stop. I never expected her to show any emotion, at least she hasn't done it up until now when my father would punish us. "Is there something you want to tell me, Rose?" I asked and she hurried to shake her head.

She wasn't supposed to disagree with her masters. I only sighed and took a step back towards her

"Now what I mean is, would you like to tell me something without fearing that I'll get mad?" our eyes finally met and she gave me a quick grateful smile before taking a deep breath.

"Nothing, sir." she shrugged her shoulders and for a minute we remained in an uncomfortable silence, which was my way of telling her that I'm not leaving without an answer. She looked again, ashamed and fearful like a child, but she still didn't spoke up.

"Was I too harsh with him?" I asked, doubting myself and my decisions again, not sure whether or not I really wanted to hear her answer. I'm guessing she was my conscious right now, my guidance, and I needed to be sure I was right here by punishing Stefan so awfully.

"No, sir." she was honest now "I believe your father would've threated him worse." I nodded as I let a relieved sigh out. "You're right that he needs to learn respect and obedience, I completely agree with you about that."

"But?" I sense there's more to it she wants to share with me, but she's still fearful, wondering if she should really trust me when I told her she shouldn't be scared that I'll burst out, but the anger inside me has started to disappear and was replaced by worry.

"There's a thin line between teaching him to be good and making him overstep boundaries just to prove his point. He'll do it out of stubbornness. One day he'll stop crying when you're punishing him, he'll stop fighting it, because he would've accepted it and he wouldn't be afraid of it and when it happens, he'll feel free enough to do whatever he wants, because he won't be scared of the consequences."

"Kind of like me you mean?" I was like this. I wasn't serious, I disobeyed my father too much, I fought with him, I stood up for myself, I tried doing the same for Stefan, but I mostly failed with him because he was younger and father didn't want him to turn like me. He often said I was the worst example, that I was a disappointment, which is why I guess I did all of this today-I wanted him to be for once happy with me, for doing what he would do, for doing what's right according to his believes.

"Something like this, I guess. But Stefan, he's a different child. He's very calm, silent" she pulls out the flour away from the drawer, she'll probably start preparing something "He suffers on his own" she starts cooking which means the conversation is over. I wait a minute for her to continue but she doesn't, she gets lost in her own thoughts and I leave her alone, only to get up in my room and get some rest.

**2 HOURS LATER**

I wake up abruptly from someone rushing in my room and I am about to jump from the bed when I realize a very worried and confused Rose shaking my shoulder and yelling to get up.

"What? What's going on?" I say as I sit in the bed and rub my forehead, but she grabs my hand and pulls me up

"You have to open the door, sir! I heard horrendous noise coming from the inside, I'm afraid that little Stefan might've hurt himself. Please, come!"

"What?" I asked again, but she just pulled me towards the door and I barely managed to put my shirt back on. We rushed downstairs and I frantically looked for the keys in my pocket. My hands were shaking, but I was trying to remain calm

"Stefan!" I yelled but I got no answer, which made me even more worried than I already was "STEFAN! Answer, brother!" I yelled again while trying to put the damn key in the lock.

When I finally got inside, I found Stefan on the floor, half of the shelves were broken as well as most of Rose's jars-they were trashed on the floor. I'm guessing he must've tried to climb up and get to the window so he would get out of here.

"Stefan!" I kneeled down and turned him over me. He cried out as he held his hand, tears falling down his pale cheeks.

"Damy!" he was in pain "My hand hurts." he said while biting his lips. "It hurts" he repeated again which got me out of my state of complete confusion and panic. I got behind him and lift him to my chest, only so I could bring him up to his feet. He cried out when I tried to touch his hand, and pulled away from my grip "Come here now" I tried soothing him once I got him out of the room. Rose helped me put him on one of the kitchen chairs, he has suddenly gotten so pale, it obviously hurt him very much and we didn't know what to do.

"Let me see, son!" Rose gently pulled away his hand from his chest and I tried reassuring him that it's all fine by gripping his shoulder tight "I think he broke it" she turned to me worriedly while she applied pressure on Stefan's hand. He yelled this time and pulled away which caused him even more pain.

"We'll need the doctor" she was the only one thinking clearly right now, I was still so stunned I had no idea what to do. I can't believe that I was certain of my actions when Stefan needed punishment, but when he needed help I was completely useless.

"Damy, it huuuuurts" Stefan said again "It hurts so much I can't even-"

"It will be fine, Stefan!" I promised as I gently pulled his chin up so he could see my eyes. He was scared and he needed reassurance "Go find John and tell him to bring doctor Gilbert here right away!" Rose nodded as she rushed out of the kitchen. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Stefan" I said but he wasn't looking at me, I think he was too disappointed in me and I couldn't stand the fact that he was scared of me. He wouldn't let me touch him at all, he thought I was mad.

"Damy, please don't punish me. Please. I didn't want for this to happen" he said through tears and I shook my head in reassurance "I just wanted to get out, because I was scared."

"I won't punish you, brother" I promised and moved him to my embrace. He hugged himself in me as he continued squeezing his eyes from the pain while I stroked his head and tried calming him down that everything will be fine. I'm not sure how much I believed in it, but I had to make him understand that I'll fix this. Then again how could he trust me after what I did today?

"I'm so sorry, Stefan. I shouldn't have left you in there" I whispered as I saw him relaxing a bit in my embrace. Maybe the pain was too much that he could pass out. But his green eyes popped up once he heard my shaky voice and with his free hand he searched for mine

"It's okay, Damy." he said simply "I love you no matter what." he brought me to tears with this and I had to look away so he won't see me, his big responsible brother, crying.

"I love you too, kiddow" I said as I ruffled his hair and he whined from the pain again but he was trying not to cry. We've always told him that boys don't cry and today he poured his heart out, it hurt me so much to watch him trying to get himself together because he was ashamed of himself. He was after all, only a child. "And I'm sorry."

"It's okay" he said again as if forgiving was the easiest thing for him.

Gilbert came half an hour later, which was fast considering that their mansion was far away from ours. He was so kind and good to Stefan and he made him relax in a matter of five minutes. We moved him to his bed upstairs and laid him down but I knew well enough that Gilbert saw the blood on his back, which is why he frowned at me as he pulled my brother's shirt up and examined the cuts. He decided he'll take care of the hand first.

"Hold him tight" he warned as Rose and I was gripping my brother from both sides. He couldn't keep his screams out when the bone was back to its right place and begged me for help the entire time. Gilbert made him a sling and gave him some medicine to ease the pain but he said Stefan will be very restless during the night.

When we send the doctor away Stefan relaxed even if he hurt, because Rose reassured him that everything's fine now and that she will make sure nothing bad happens to him again. He smiled at her and she went down to make him tea, while I lay down in bed with him and pulled him in my embrace again.

He fell asleep before she got back upstairs and I finally let myself take a deep breath-he was going to be fine, but at the cost of what? If I haven't punished him, he would be fine right now, he would be a little startled but he wouldn't have been hurt and what did I do to him? I was the reason his back was bloody and that his hand was broken.

I kissed him on the forehead and fixed his blanket.

One of my own tears ended up on his cheek and he stirred a little.

I was brushing my shame away with the sleeve of my perfectly clean white shirt.


End file.
